Why We’re Behind The National Day Of Dialogue
“The wisdom to resolve difficulties in any situation is already present in each and every one of us. Dialogue is the verbal expression of that wisdom.”
In September 2007, Padraig O’Malley had an idea. The previous year had been Iraq’s most violent. Civil war appeared imminent. Using his experience in Northern Ireland and South Africa, the veteran Irish peacemaker brought together over a dozen Iraqis across the sectarian divide in Helsinki. In April 2008, a follow-up meeting was held “to broaden the table” with an even more influential group of Iraqis from a cross-section of society—including government, civil society, and academia (“Bringing Iraqis To The Table”, The Boston Globe, 2008).
A former head of the Irish Republican Army and African National Congress joined the talks to shed light on conflict resolution. The purpose of these informal meetings was not to hammer out an agreement overnight; the aim was to get Iraqis talking. Through dialogue, as O’Malley found in Northern Ireland and South Africa, war-torn societies could shed their distrust, build relationships, and bridge their differences. By the end of the discussions, the Iraqis agreed on a set of seventeen principles, ranging from respect for minority rights to reintegrating ex-Baathists back into government. Violence decreased all across Iraq.*
Though we may not admit it, America bears little difference from Iraq, South Africa, or Northern Ireland when it comes to our vulnerability to civil disagreement. The different sides of our national debates have proven time and again they are capable of digging their heels in so deeply that movement across these arbitrary lines becomes nearly impossible. And as throughout history, without a willingness to engage in dialogue, we become immovable in our political, racial, and social divides.
The Roots of Dialogue
Once humans developed the power of language, they opened up the possibility and potential for cooperation and collaboration. Through language, we were able to communicate and express our ideas to one another as well as our needs and emotions. Through shared language, we were also able to negotiate, create mutual value, to persuade, influence, and learn. All by engaging in the power of dialogue.
Dialogue is central to every human endeavor. From our earliest moments, we were able to create shared meaning and understanding through a crude dialogue process. Dialogue gave us the opportunity to build and to dream together. To solve problems and resolve conflict. In fact, the well-known “truth and reconciliation” councils used in South Africa and Northern Ireland are examples of this process in a modern context. This is when dialogue is its most powerful as it involves both parties in an authentic exchange of stories, views, and needs.
“If people are able to cooperate they have to be able to create something together, something that takes shape in their mutual discussions and actions, rather than something that is conveyed from one person who acts as an authority to the others, who act as passive instruments of this authority.”
- David Bohm
Unlike other forms of communication, in dialogue, there are no winners. Unlike traditional approaches where individuals seek to debate and defend their position, dialogue aims to bring people - and ideas - together in a kind of dance. Instead of feeling a need to defend their position, they engage with an openness to seeing things anew and from the perspective of their dialogue partner. From this posture, these individuals are able to suspend judgment and their need to defend their position or beliefs. This is what allows citizens to build communities, share perspectives and discover new ideas as they affirm one another through dialogue. As Nelson Mandela once said, “time and again, conflicts are resolved through shifts that were unimaginable at the start.”**
While dialogue can be the solution when things go wrong, it is an even more powerful prevention tool. Imagine a community where members meet regularly to “dialogue” about the building of a new factory, or a new school, or the need for a new metro rail. Rather than showing up to shout opinions to get other members on “their side”, they arrive interested in hearing the reasons behind their fellow neighbors and community members’ opinions first. In fact, out of respect for their neighbors and friends, they arrive ready to listen first before weighing in. To give careful and even thoughtful consideration to opposing views. Even going so far as remaining open to being proven wrong.
One key difference to make note of, however, between typical discussions and real dialogue is their root meaning.
The word “discussion” means to break things apart; to analyze, much like a ping-pong game where the ball merely bounces back and forth. With this type of communication, ideas and thoughts are exchanged between people or groups with no attempt to integrate, synthesize, or create something new. Rather, it becomes a back and forth exercise with each person vying to become the conversation “winner”. And by extension, ensuring the other person comes out as the conversation “loser.”
In contrast, the word “dialogue” derives from the root “meaning through words.” This suggests a flow of meaning between participants as opposed to the back-and-forth exchange described above. In dialogue, ideas and thoughts are shared, expanded upon, with the ultimate goal of creating even greater meaning. The result is that each person wins by leaving the dialogue with a deeper understanding of the issue being discussed and a closer proximity to a shared solution.***
As you can see, in a healthy dialogue, all voices and perspectives matter. Individuals engage in a back and forth process of communication that seeks to identify patterns and agreements. Participants are asked to look at their own deeply held assumptions and beliefs with humility. Instead of feeling a need to defend what they view as “right”, they are asked to remain open to seeing things anew and from a different perspective. Even a perspective they might ordinarily disagree with.
"Dialogue...is about a shared inquiry, a way of thinking and reflecting together. It is not something you do to another person. It is something you do with people...The idea of thinking together can sound like a dangerous illusion in which the quest for harmony leads people astray until they unwittingly sacrifice their individuality. But in assiduously avoiding false harmony, people can go to the other extreme—to an equally unwitting “argument” mode in which we stand in a stagnated pond of our own predispositions and certainties and blindly defend what we have as necessary and unalterable. In both cases—in false harmony and in polarized, argumentative stagnation—people stop thinking."
This is exactly why we believe dialogue is one of the most powerful interventions we have at our disposal when it comes to healing the divisions and polarizations that so easily break down communities and even whole societies. It is also why we are behind the National Day of Dialogue. Through this process where meaning is generated, shared values are unearthed, and higher states of learning and understanding materialize, groups become powerful “solution finders” without any need for government intervention or regulation. Communities learn to find solutions together and discover pathways for creative problem solving and innovation.
While this may sound utopian, and perhaps even a bit naive, I believe it is possible. What most often stands in our way is our own distrust and fear (and perhaps an overindulgence in social media and echo chambers). Through dialogue, we are able to activate the innate courage and confidence we each have to overcome our fear, respond in the face of uncertainty, and build bridges across lines of difference.
I hope you now understand why we are passionate about dialogue and believe it is the glue required to sustain our communities and our democracy. I also hope you join us in this belief. If you do, I hope you will also join us for the inaugural National Day of Dialogue on January 5, 2022, and sign up to get exclusive early access to the premiere of the documentary film, Dialogue Lab: America and a host of other events happening around the country.
It is up to each of us to arrest our current state of division and polarization and to start weaving back together the many broken threads that have led us here. I hope to “see” you on January 5th.
Through a coalition of organizations, led by Ideos Institute, the National Day of Dialogue is a series of virtual events, social media campaigns, and bridging resources. It is also the premiere date for the documentary film, Dialogue Lab: America.
Sign up for the National Day of Dialogue Today
The National Day of Dialogue is an invitation to all Americans to change our current state of division and polarization by crossing lines of difference and into real dialogue. Join us if you’re ready to play your part!
References
* “Why dialogue matters for conflict prevention and peacebuilding.” United Nations Development Program. February 2009.
** The Independent Lecture at Trinity College, April 13, 2000.
*** “Generative Conversations: Results Through Connection and Meaning.” Change Fusion.
Photos: People People Media
